We go to church Saturday night and celebrate Easter that night. We leave sometime Sunday morning. Things went pretty well on the trip down. Our youngest enjoys her "Hooked on Phonics" app on her Kindle and the mountain of stuffed animals she sleeps with at night made the trip on her lap too. It was funny to see her, surrounded by the animals sitting in her lap and her blanket during the 4 hour car ride. Our oldest, slept off and on. Of course, the wonderful phrase every parent loves to hear multiple times an hour was asked, "Are we there yet?"
The whole time I kept thinking, 'I need to make sure we know where the hospital is located or at least the urgent care. What if she runs away from us? This place is crowded with tourists, how would we ever find her? Oh Lord, please help calm my nerves. Please stop her from getting hurt, taken, or running away from us.'
My husband and I both had been having dreams about her either drowning or falling off a cliff, running away. We even questioned whether or not we should even go on vacation. We want her to experience things and not keep imaginary bubble wrap around her, however I also know she has limitations. At one point, she wanted to try go carts. I knew she would get in the go cart and either someone would ram into her or she'd be upset by the sounds or whatever and stop in the middle of the track. Actually, both happened. So, I naturally was checking her eyes, her neck, all the while consoling her. She wanted to get back in there, but I was not comfortable, especially after how hard she was rammed by the other kids car. I mean they were 3 and 4 yr olds driving go carts and they still go fast enough to give someone whiplash if they hit them full speed at a dead stop.
I'm worried that the jolt to her brain would trigger one of her seizures and we are so close to 2 years seizure free where she can finally try to come off medication to see how she would do. So, I'm now in helicopter mom mode. I pray and ask God to calm my nerves and give me peace that she is okay. She is doing okay later in the day, but I'm still worried. I'm watching her closely. My husband finds a go cart track where he can drive and she can ride with him. At this point, it was the only way I was going to let her on one again. She loved it. She was waving to me, and smiling. I almost burst into tears.
So much uncertainty, but calmness during my internal storm. Watching her experience new things. Doing things that at the time of her first seizure at 4 days old, didn't even know if she'd even be around to even try those things, made my heart jump and a smile form on my face. To my excitement, she did great with every new thing she tried. She even actually ate quite a bit of food. I got excited just to see her eat something at every meal. She let me take pictures and video of her, which was different too. She didn't run off, she only tried to run into the hotel hallway completely naked twice, looking for daddy. She slept halfway decent, she only had a couple minor meltdowns. We had such a wonderful time that we decided to stay one more night. That was something we had hoped for, but didn't know how everything was going to be.
So, now I have sat and looked through videos and pictures. I have reflected on our week. Each day, I could see that even though at times my nerves started to try and take over, peace settled in my spirit and could see the beauty of the moments I had around me.
My take away is this: This life we have been given, has taught me so much. Compassion for others. Thankfulness for each new day. Joy during hardships. Love and laughter during pain. Peace during uncertainty. And, each day...Grace that abounds.
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